What about porn?

Tl;dr: Is porn a political issue? – It wouldn‛t necessarily be if it was porn for men AND women; and there are four basic, concrete improvements porn needs in order to be better for everyone.

PROS & CONS of PORN

I am always torn about porn. About me being against it or supportive or just ignorant, and about porn being a political issue; in which case ignorance wouldn’t be suitable.
Leaving exploitation, forced brutality and trafficking in women aside and assuming, for the sake of this article, every porn actress chose her carreer freely and every porn was produced in line with the according laws, there is still some doubt whether porn is just a private thing.

On the one hand, because everything is a political issue. Especially if it‛s mass mediatized. If what we see forms what we want and/or think is real – an assumption the whole advertising industry is based upon – then everything pictured frequently in mass media is politically relevant. And the number of search requests for porn indicate a really vast relevance for sure. Therefore, I think a public interest in how we handle pornography is undeniable, if only for youth protection.

On the other hand it‛s just fantasy. It‛s like movies, it‛s somehting we may wish for knowing it‛s never gonna be real. And fantasy itself should always be free. I don‛t care if you hump horses or little schoolgirls, as long as it‛s just in your thoughts.
In my fantasy, a gangbang with a whole soccer team, right on the field after a match, could be an exciting prospect. I seriously doubt I would enjoy any part of it for real and I‛m totally not tempted to try this in realf life. But, hey, that‛s what fantasy is for, isn‛t it?

Thinking this further, I am not against porn (if it complies to the laws), not even from a feministic perspective. though I of course do realize there is an amount of humiliation of women in porn which reaches out of sexual fantasies to social relevance – and this really bothers me.
But I do consume porn myself, desipte the fact that there are some porn tropes which really are a great turn off, even if it‛s not about humiliation. (Suggestions for porn producers to make porn more suitable to both genders to be found at the end of the article.)

So, porn should be ok in general, right? But!

SEX EDUCATION VIA INTERNET

But. There seems to be a tendency in teenagers and young adults to get unhappy because of the growing exposition to porn in the internet. An exposition which I really think is excessive – there hasn‛t been a single day in the last four weeks there I did not stumble upon porn ads while surfing for completely different topics. But that‛s not the point right now. The problem might be that porn is a fantasy about something young people have no real experience with. So they lack the ability to judge – even if they know it‛s not reality, they don‛t know, how real sex is, and what to do.

Is that a problem? There are plenty of action movies or romantic comedies which are not for real either, and yet only few people are known to be unhappy because they didn‛t save a skyscraper from terrorists wearing their undershirt. Of course, unlike with sex, we hardly ever get in the situation to try it.

But haven’t we also got a better framework to correlate such a story to reality? We learn about stories from an early age. Parents read fairytales of heros and princesses to their children and help them in real life to differentiate. They provide context, telling their little ones that they probably never gonna be James Bond, but might become a real good police officer or that they can‛t become princess, because you need to be of noble birth for that and besides monarchy is quite overcome in democratic societies…
And, often enough, this education towards reality fails and we get romantically disappointed adult females etc.

But we don‛t even do that education of judgement with porn.

Maybe parents talk to their teenagers about real sex being not like anything they might watch on the web, I surely hope so. But pointing this out once or twice and in general, without referring to concrete sexual actions is not very helpful, is it?
So, apparently the digitized youth grows up with pictures of really huge cocks which do their job over hours on the one hand, and on the other with always aroused, pubic hairless women with trimmed labia an bleached anal regions etc. There is this quite nice vegetable video at the moment going viral explaining this in short.
Comparing yourself to porn stars is a pretty good start for everyone to feel physically inferior, isn‛t it. So what if you see this over and over and over again before your first real life encounter?
And if you add the variety of sexual positions and the according aerobics, this might not encourage you in the first place to try out yourself what you actually like.

So, let‛s agree that typical porn is digestible for advanced users, not for sex beginners.

In the german pirate party the idea of porn education at schools came up. I quite agree we need this kind of sex education, if only as part of media competence, though I‛m not sure how schools could do this. Parents undoubtedly should, but apparently they largely haven‛t learned or just refuse talking about this, either. As long as we don’t talk about sex, we still rely on the media with our expectations. You might think „Porn for beginners“ might be a good idea. But probably more in theory, because first thing I would do is speed to the advanced section, and wouldn’t you, too?

Why is talking so hard? Maybe most of us are still uptight when it comes to sex and just not ready for what is out there in the web. I really thought twice about writing this article, and to openly Crystal into the web:“I watch porn“. A fact which, to my mere surprise, is normally no turn on for men – it rather seems to scare them. Whenever I suggested a lover to watch porn together, they were really uncomfortable with the idea. Though all of them admitted to consume porn themselves, they hardly ever wanted to share this. And the few who did couldn‛t relax and enjoy the experience, so I couldn‛t, too; therefore it often turned out more awkward than in sharing sexual desires. (Maybe todays teenagers do better here. Though, for the majority, I doubt it.)

And that‛s the thing I don‛t understand: we alle have fantasies of sex and lovemaking. They may differ. The majority of men apparently might not fancy romantic love stories – though I believe, men have the fantasy of experiencing love, too. Maybe men prefer the fantasy of being admired for being a hero. Well. Maybe it‛s, for both sexes, not about love, but truly it‛s the fantasy of being desirable, as princess or hero, and it‛s just a very selfish thing.
But it‛s not love in all its complications, it‛s sex specifically we‛re talking about, and which is something men and women want. Why can‛t we share the fantasy about sex? Can’t we get rid of the self-centered desirable part in sex? But the „being desired“ is in for men and women in porn, I think.
Here is my theory: it’s more the part of what we desire that’s men-centered in porn to an extent that men feel kind of ashamed towards their female partners about porn. We generalised consider porn as thouroughly designed for men that it becomes a fantasy to be ashamed of.

Why not make porn which shows just sex which is exciting for men and women?

Of course I‛m aware that porn is mostly to be used by people not having a partner for real sex. But if it was a shared fanatsy, it might be easier to realize; or at least to talk about it. Come on, it can‛t be so hard since we actually enjoy this sex thing together a lot! Would it be so hard to make porn a little bit more adressed towards both sexes?
Then boys and men would not have to be embarassed that much about the porn they watch.
Then teenagers would learn a bit more useful „theory“ of sex before they practice it. Girls had a chance to see in porn something they can relate to, not just something they should do to be cool. And if both men and women could enjoy the art of porn, the social implications would soften, so that the political dimension would become quite irrelevant (besides possible conflicts with human rights mentoined before).
So, in the end it comes down to: porn, yes; but better.

WHAT PORN NEEDS to be for men and women

Dear porn producers, may I suggest a few simple things for joint porn enjoyment. That’s of course not a sufficient list and there’s still a lot of variation in preferences, but just these four aspects will do a lot for women. At least the ones I know.

  1. Noone likes cum into their faces. NO-ONE!
    (Ok, there‛s this 1% which actually does. And this 15% which pretend to like it because they‛ve seen it so much on the internet and they feel they must like it to please you). Seriously guys, is this so important? Would it diminish the sexual experience if you just shot your load somewhere else, maybe just inside her? It can‛t be that much of fun to withdraw shortly befor you come and then finish you off yourself anyway, can it? So why don‛t we just kiss the majority of facials goodbye and ban them into the „special“ cumshot sections.
  2. No weak cocks. I swear it, that‛s a complete turn-off. Yes, we want them big and hard and yours might not be like that. Get over it. We have to deal with not having the perfect body as well, with boobs not as big or tight as the plastic ones on screen etc. But porn is sex for the eyes, so make it good for the eyes then! It‛s fantasy, so let‛s fantasize ourselves to be just as perfect as the actors. It works in the action movies, doesn‛t it?
  3. Breasts are great! And erogenous! We love you to touch them, it‛s mostly really a turn on for both. Why don‛t you use this in porn? There are hundreds of sex positions, but when it comes to breast stimulation, it‛s just this endless same nipple twirling. YAWN. Give us diversity not just in cup sizes.
  4. I want to hear men scream with pleasure. Yes, it‛s a turn on for women, too, to hear and feel his arousal. I am fed up with the artificial super-loud screaming and moaning as soon as the lady only sees a man‛s privates. I want his expressions of lust! Not just the abusive swearing. Oh, and by the way: PLEASE stop this thing with music! If I need an tune to get turned on, I manage to play it parallely, really. The soundtracks you typically use with porn just make them sound cheap and awful.

These are just four small things which really bother most women I know close enough to talk about porn to. Producing porn considering women as a target group, too, should not ruin the whole concept I hope. Being aware that porn could not just help seeking relief but also becoming a great instrument to share our fantasies and turn us on together could be of great value. For sex education as well as for better sex and happier relationships. Don‛t you think?

PS: One last remark: Does really every sexual act have to comprise a blow job and two girls licking each other? I mean, it‛s ok to spot this from time to time, but it‛s just really overstretched. I just think it would be quite more attractive if porn sequences differed more from each other. Like a sexual encounter in real life differs from lover to lover, it would be much more exciting not to see always the same handlings and positions in each fuck. Thank you.

Über liva2lox

bulls and bears of the absurd minds of thaddäus grotgen and some of his alter egos --- willkommen in meiner ideellen badestube! klistierspritzen für die seele - tauch’ eine weile unter die schaumkrone lauwarmer seifenfilosofie, verspür’ die erleichterung weltanschaulichen aderlassens oder salbadere bei einem ridikühlen getränk einfach mit in fremden blechzubern …hier bist du mit sicherheit.

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